I have a great post on ten ways to make your Highly Sensitive wife want sex a lot more, so here is the emotional equivalent! Many women I work with are highly sensitive, and I am myself. We are 20% of people but most people in therapy… and likely an even higher percentage of therapists! Read about Highly Sensitive People (HSP) here, here, and here. If your wife is an HSP, here are eight nonsexual ways to bond with her, so that she can be her best self with you!
There you have it, eight ways to bond with your HSP wife! Combine these with the ten ways to be better in bed referenced earlier (and it’s also my very first podcast episode!) and you can have a newly revitalized marriage. And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, HSP Women Are Awesome If You Understand Them!
- Read a book together. Reading is a quiet activity and can be done together in bed, especially when your wife is overstimulated or tired. (In case it isn’t obvious, use separate physical books or devices even if it’s the same book, as you go at different paces.) If you are reading the same book, then you can discuss it as you go (don’t interrupt the reading constantly, but when you are done reading each time). If you are reading different books, you can share what you’re learning with each other. Most HSP’s love reading, and this is a great way to bond quietly.
- Nonsexual physical touch. As discussed here, cuddling is very important, and is on the same spectrum as foreplay for many HSP women. If you are someone that your wife finds to be source of physical comfort and reassurance, then she will feel close and connected to you in all ways (including sexual). However, if you make all touch turn into sex, most HSP women will opt out of touch entirely.
- Watch TV together. Watching and discussing shows is a low energy high emotional impact way to bond for many women, especially HSP women who analyze every interaction in the show. Listen to this for more about watching TV together, which is a prime way to bond for many couples.
- Take tests together. HSP women love to analyze their personalities and relationships. Taking personality tests or even the erotic blueprint quiz can be lots of fun and make her feel very close to you. Just the idea that you are open to feedback about yourself is very reassuring for an HSP woman, who loves to think deeply about both of your personalities and how they mesh.
- Be romantic. Use literally everything I say here. It is an entire post devoted to operationalizing “romance” for guys who are less than romantic naturally! When guys say, “What does romance even mean?” the translation is “I was raised in a home without romance and therefore it is not a natural thing I do.” Therefore, you can learn what it means to (many) women and execute!
- Plan vacations or other events. Even if you don’t have a huge budget, you can look up fun date night locations or cute family events (google “family activities near me”). Many women LOVE planning, which I discuss in depth here. When you plan together, she feels close and connected.
- Take a walk together. Many HSP women know they need to exercise more but are too tired to do anything huge. Therefore, many of them take walks, with or without the dog, stroller, or kids. Join her for these if she wants, and that can be a great time to talk and bond.
- Discuss your friends and family. So many HSP women feel separate from other people in their husbands’ lives, because the husband doesn’t talk about what those relationships are like. If a man goes out drinking with Jim and Bob and he comes home with interesting observations, then she is going to feel much closer to him as well as supportive of these relationships (discussed here). These don’t have to be “bad” or “gossipy” observations. For example, “It seems like Bob is getting tired of his job and he and Sally are considering moving to live near their kids in a few years, would you ever want to do that?” can spark an interesting discussion between you and your wife.
There you have it, eight ways to bond with your HSP wife! Combine these with the ten ways to be better in bed referenced earlier (and it’s also my very first podcast episode!) and you can have a newly revitalized marriage. And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, HSP Women Are Awesome If You Understand Them!