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[Hoca]

Here, I discuss that cheering up your partner is a great thing to do, despite that some fear that it is invalidating. Just as you would try to cheer up your child if they were sad, you should try to make your partner feel happier if they are having a bad day or are generally struggling with depression. Here are some ways to cheer up your partner based on their love language, which is what is important to them (not what you wish was important to them or what you like to provide).

1. Physical touch. For a person who likes physical touch, a hug, cuddling, or a massage are great ways to make them feel better when they are feeling down. Remember, while physical touch is not the same as sex drive, many physical touch loving partners also are the higher libido partner, in which case sex is also a good way to cheer them up. But certainly, men, who often have a physical touch love language, enjoy nonsexual physical touch as well. Often, women are shocked to hear that men value nonsexual physical touch as much as they do. Physical touch is also the only love language you can’t get from someone else… which is why I often say it’s the most important one.
2. Acts of service. It is very difficult for people who do not have an acts of service love language to understand the benefit to their loved one of them doing more chores or taking over certain big tasks. In fact, I often say that physical touch and acts of service are opposite love languages, which I discuss in depth here. Remember that many women especially are impacted by fatigue, as this is also a symptom of depression. When you are very tired and have all the housework to do, you can feel like you are drowning. When you get something taken off your plate, it can give you a moment to recharge instead of feeling like a housework robot, as discussed here. Often, cleaning out the garage or vacuuming the house can mean more to an acts of service person than anything else, and can lift their mood if they are feeling down or stressed.
3. Quality time. For a partner who values quality time, planning a date night or even taking off a day of work to spend the whole day hanging out can be a hugely impactful gesture that really lifts their mood. Many women spend their whole marriages wishing that their husbands would prioritize them over work or hobbies, and never feel like they get “enough” time together. Making this a priority can significantly cheer up a partner who feels that they never get your full attention for long enough (although, listen to this if you are a preoccupied attachment woman who is always disappointed by time spent with your avoidant husband).
4. Gifts. Honestly, although very few people state that their love language is gifts, it is rare that anyone would not feel even slightly cheered up by a sweet and thoughtful gift. Read this about gifts and also listen to this about “wish list” people vs “no wish list” people. Remember that a gift doesn’t have to be expensive. Something cheap can significantly brighten your partner’s day. You can also combine gifts with other love languages, like buying an experience for a partner who loves quality time (e.g., tickets to a show). And a gift for yourself could even be for your spouse in certain cases, like lingerie for the woman being a present for the man!
5. Words of affirmation. In this post, I discuss many things that men can say to their wives to make them feel loved and connected. Here, I discuss how men value words of appreciation as well. People of either gender enjoy hearing ways that they make their partner’s life easier, reasons you are glad to be married to them, and compliments about their appearance and attractive personality traits. If your partner is a words of affirmation person, their mood will life in response to hearing nice things. If you find it awkward to say nice things verbally, then you can start with nice texts and build up from there. I even wrote a whole book designed to help people communicate via email when they have issues with communicating in person!

Bookmark this post and keep it handy for times that your spouse needs cheering up. And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, The Sixth Love Language Is Reading Dr. Psych Mom Content Together.