Welcome to yeywe | Welcome My Forum

[Hoca]

I know that it may seem crazy to long term followers, but some people still call me anti-male and anti-female on the internet because they only see one of my posts that helps men understand women’s perspective, or vice versa. I pride myself on being pro-male, pro-female, pro-love, and anti-selfish people (male or female). Marital problems are ALWAYS co-created and co-maintained, and while I do not believe the genders are identical, neither is better than the other! This list is a top 10 hits from the past decade that I’ve been writing my blog, and a rebuttal to the idea that I’m anti-male. And of course, the one rebutting that I’m anti-female is here! (When people only read the pro-male stuff, I get that accusation too!) First are the posts, and then the podcast episodes!

1. What Women Think About Sex Versus Reality. In this post from 2014, I cover what women often get wrong about sex, normalizing their husbands’ drives and desire.
2. Why Men Want Oral Sex. Self explanatory, but validating this common desire from men and explaining it to women.
3. Wanting Sex Doesn’t Make A Man Creepy Or Insensitive Or A Sex Addict. Here, I differentiate between actual sex addiction and men literally wanting sex within marriage, aka a main differentiator between a romantic relationship and all others.
4. Women: Sex Is A Way To Work On Your Marriage But Not If You Phone It In. Check this one out if only for the five points following “Here are some ways to make the sexual experience better for you, so that you don’t appear to be wishing for or have recently suffered your own demise mid-coitus.”
5. When Women Consider Physical Touch To Be A Less Real Or Important Love Language. Analogies help me explain this point, including:

“Imagine a parent saying, “My child loves to hug me, but I prefer talking. Therefore, I routinely deny, minimize, and even mock her need for hugs and initiate long conversations about how she feels about me, her, and our relationship as mother and daughter. If she talks for long enough, I will give her a quick hug at night, although sometimes I tell her that her hug quota for the week is already met.” This would be considered sadistic and emotionally abusive. Yet, the child in this scenario and the partner with the unmet physical touch need likely feel very similarly. (Incidentally, there is no utility in saying, “Well, a child shouldn’t go without touch but an adult can.” There is not too much difference emotionally between adults who are vulnerable in an intimate relationship and children who are vulnerable with their parents. This is why a healthy marriage reparents you, and allows you to get needs met that weren’t met in childhood.)

Now here are the podcast episodes, and the first five I could find that show just how pro-male I am (again, while being pro-female!). Remember, these are Spotify links but you can find the Dr. Psych Mom Show on all platforms! Here’s the Apple link to the Avoidant Wives one as an example.

1. Is Sex A Need Or A Want? Many low libido women try to tell their husbands that sex is only a want. I discuss the limitations of any worldview that sees going to the gym, having a cup of coffee, or enrolling your kids in many activities as “needs” whereas the basic way our species procreates is relegated to a lesser “want.”
2. Younger Working Husbands Are Condescended To The Way Stay At Home Moms Used To Be. It is nearly impossible for some guys to get their work done because they have to come home to support a stay at home or part-time-working wife all the time, and then are told this behavior is just “baseline.” (Relates to this post.)
3. Does Your Wife’s Chronic Pain Or Depression Uniquely Impact One Area Of Her Life Called “Having Any Sex Ever”? This episode tries to help workhorse men recognize that going without any physically intimacy when your wife can engage in every other area of her life may in fact be codependent and unhealthy, versus “being a good guy.”
4. If Your Husband Takes Over The Emotional And Physical Labor… Why? You guys know what I think about emotional labor. This episode asks women why they want their husband to take over everything or split every single thing down the middle as though they are already divorced. Can anything be done in the home without a scoreboard or the Fair Play overfunctioner BS? If not, what deeper issues does this speak to?
5. Do You Really Love Your Husband? A bit of this transcript:

And there’s a lot of women that talk about being a good mother as though it’s being a good wife. So they say they love their husband. And if I say what are examples of that? They say “I take care of everything with the kids and I take care of everything with the home.” And this is this everybody’s favorite line… “He never has to worry about the kids.” Like that’s that’s like always the big one. Like, explain something, that’s nice, but like guys who get divorced do their half of the stuff, too… I’ve never yet heard a divorced guy say, “You know what, I wish I was still married because then she would be scheduling this orthodontist appointment instead of me.”

And for a bonus…. here is a subscriber episode called The Benefits Of Having Sex When You’re Not Already Feeling Close… which changes the perspective for many women who insist that emotional closeness needs to precede sex at all times. (You can access 25% more episodes by subscribing here, guys.)
There you have it! I hope you guys enjoyed this greatest hits post and that you enjoy the pro-women one as well. Remember, if you’re looking for an even-handed experience in therapy or coaching, come to me or any of my clinicians or coaches at Best Life! And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Has Been Saying It Takes Two To Tango Since 2014!